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[1, 2]

Nice Guys Can Finish First
Chapter 2

In some ways dating today is a good deal more complicated than in previous generations. It used to be that when you asked a girl out, it was understood that this was a date … not a friendly gesture. Today, while it is easier to ask someone out (under the guise of friendship) it is less easy to make it known that your intentions are more serious. Girls may also take advantage of this fact by permitting these exchanges to occur, knowing you've ulterior motives while having absolutely no interest in pursing a romantic relationship. After all, what have they got to lose? They'll have a pleasant evening with someone who'll treat them well and probably pick up the tab - and they don't have to worry about the consequences as they may ultimately feign ignorance of your amorous intentions. They get a nice ego boost from the fact that someone obviously thinks they're attractive and might even engage in some "innocent" flirting - but really have no desire to go further. As a result of this new paradigm, when you come to the end of your "date" you are often uncertain of how to proceed. Do I kiss her? Will she think I'm a jerk if I do? Will this action ruin everything? Does she have any idea that I'm interested? Does she just like me as a friend? You figure that a relationship will potentially build from friendship and don't want to ruin the possibility by acting prematurely, so you let her go with a hug, or worse a smile and a wave and what have you got? - nothing. All of a sudden after this has happened a couple of times it becomes almost impossible to pursue a romantic relationship with this individual as it seems almost a betrayal of trust… you've established the parameters of your relationship and redefining them is exceptionally difficult. So what happens? Now you've got another friend who'll keep you around for the simple reason that you make them feel good about themselves and are a good conversationalist who seems to genuinely care about their welfare.

So what is a "nice guy" to do? Here are some simple things that you should practice right away:

  • Practice smiling and saying "hi" to strange women you see on the street. Does this sound ridiculous? It's not. This practice will not only build your confidence (as most women will at least smile back) but will brighten both of your days. You never know, it may even develop into something should you see these people in other locations later - say in a bar perhaps. Try doing this at least 5 times a day.

  • Study the body language of the opposite sex in an effort to understand exactly what they are saying to you even if they're not vocalising their intentions. A good way to do this is to study others in bars. Notice what signals females put out to their intended partners and how they react when these signs are responded to. Take a look at this article to find out what ladies are really saying.

  • When asking a lady out, make sure they understand that you are interested in them romantically. A good way to do this is to say "I'd like to take you out on a date to x …" rather than "I'm going to x… you should come along …(as I have an extra ticket or whatever your excuse is)". If this is too much for you at first, then try saying "Great, then it's a date." after you've made your plans and she's accepted your offer. At least this will leave your options open and her wondering what the outcome will be. These statements put you in charge. They also have the advantage of bringing out any objections she might have to a romantic encounter with you. Why waste your time?

  • When going on a date, pay attention to how she looks when you pick her up. Has she obviously taken some effort to make herself look nice? This is a good sign that she has at least some degree of interest in you.

  • Throughout the evening, make sure you let her know what's potentially going to happen later. This is easily done by "innocently" touching her hand from time to time throughout a conversation, looking directly into her eyes and smiling, complimenting her on how she looks etc. These little actions not only allow you to correctly gauge the potential for a romantic liaison later in the evening but set the whole thing up. It is much less of a shock to the female if these things have transpired in advance of the goodnight kiss and whatever might follow.

  • BE A MAN. At the end of the evening, if you have followed the above, you should have a pretty good idea of what your chances are. If they are at all favourable, KISS HER. What's the worst that can happen? She'll draw away and no harm done. All you have to do then is say, "Oh… this is a little awkward… I thought we were having a nice date…" This puts her in the hot seat and you in the clear. If you let your opportunity pass, chances are you'll not have another and soon find yourself in the "friend" category. Don't you have enough friends? Why waste your time? Read this article on how to know when to attempt the first kiss.

Of course, this article has only dealt with the difficulties experienced by "nice guys" in the pursuit of a relationship. There are a whole different set of challenges they have to surmount once they have entered into one. Read this article to find out more…


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