10 Hallmarks of a Great Lover
Let me open this article with a somewhat startling statement: "In
reality there are no great lovers
only great couples."
While that seems to negate the intended purpose of this commentary,
please bear with me. While I stand by the opening statement, let
me further opine that there are definitely many common traits that
define great lovers (plural) within the context of the pair bond.
Here are what I deem among the top ten in order of importance:
When someone is described as a great lover by a former or current
partner, it is generally because of a shared experience wherein
mutual desires were well addressed
both seemed to be on exactly
the same wavelength and there was an equal give and take leading
to an obvious common goal. As these experiences are often rare,
it is easy to attribute an instance to having been with a "great
lover". Instead, I think we should examine why these occurrences
are infrequent and take steps to increase their rate of recurrence.
Communication is of paramount importance in any relationship - especially
in reference to sexuality. If you are able to adequately communicate
your desires to your partner, obviously they will be more fully
capable of doing something about them. Conversely, if you are in
tune with their needs, and actively responding in accordance with
them, you will find they are more likely to respond favorably to
yours. Should one partner be more technically skilled in a certain
aspect of sex, he or she might impart that information to their
companion in a variety of subtle ways, thereby increasing the sexual
vocabulary of the less skilled individual and consequently enhancing
the pleasure of both. On the other hand, if your partner is doing
something that you are not overly interested in having them continue,
you may modify their actions by way of effective communication techniques.
for an article on exactly this topic.
I cannot stress enough the importance of being confident in yourself.
If you are not able to feel self-assured, you will often be less
willing to communicate your desires and as a result, more than likely
find yourself unfulfilled sexually. Confidence = sexy in most people's
books whether they are aware of it or not. The reason alcohol is
by far the most popular aphrodisiac is because it imparts some measure
of self-confidence and reduces inhibition associated with the lack
of it. Concentrate on your positive attributes and forget about
what you believe are your weaker points - chances are that your
partner views your little flaws with either a significantly less
critical eye, or is unaware of them completely. Hey, after all,
they're sleeping with you aren't they?! You obviously must be pretty
hot! If you think you're sexy, other people will too.