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10 Hallmarks of a Great Lover

Let me open this article with a somewhat startling statement: "In reality there are no great lovers… only great couples." While that seems to negate the intended purpose of this commentary, please bear with me. While I stand by the opening statement, let me further opine that there are definitely many common traits that define great lovers (plural) within the context of the pair bond. Here are what I deem among the top ten in order of importance:

1. Communication

When someone is described as a great lover by a former or current partner, it is generally because of a shared experience wherein mutual desires were well addressed… both seemed to be on exactly the same wavelength and there was an equal give and take leading to an obvious common goal. As these experiences are often rare, it is easy to attribute an instance to having been with a "great lover". Instead, I think we should examine why these occurrences are infrequent and take steps to increase their rate of recurrence. Communication is of paramount importance in any relationship - especially in reference to sexuality. If you are able to adequately communicate your desires to your partner, obviously they will be more fully capable of doing something about them. Conversely, if you are in tune with their needs, and actively responding in accordance with them, you will find they are more likely to respond favorably to yours. Should one partner be more technically skilled in a certain aspect of sex, he or she might impart that information to their companion in a variety of subtle ways, thereby increasing the sexual vocabulary of the less skilled individual and consequently enhancing the pleasure of both. On the other hand, if your partner is doing something that you are not overly interested in having them continue, you may modify their actions by way of effective communication techniques. Click here for an article on exactly this topic.

2. Confidence

I cannot stress enough the importance of being confident in yourself. If you are not able to feel self-assured, you will often be less willing to communicate your desires and as a result, more than likely find yourself unfulfilled sexually. Confidence = sexy in most people's books whether they are aware of it or not. The reason alcohol is by far the most popular aphrodisiac is because it imparts some measure of self-confidence and reduces inhibition associated with the lack of it. Concentrate on your positive attributes and forget about what you believe are your weaker points - chances are that your partner views your little flaws with either a significantly less critical eye, or is unaware of them completely. Hey, after all, they're sleeping with you aren't they?! You obviously must be pretty hot! If you think you're sexy, other people will too.



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