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Q
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Positively Communicating Sexual Dissatisfaction in an Attempt to Alter Your Partner's Behavior.Your wife is nibbling on your neck and it's driving you crazy. In fact, it's driving you mad because you can't stand it. After all these years, how could you tell her now that you don't like some of the things she does? You're happy with your sex life and don't want to start an argument that will last for days... …You and your new boyfriend are having sex for the first time and his knee is planted on your thigh. It is very uncomfortable and distracts you from the rest of the proceedings. Do you tell him? You don't want to say anything because you aren't feeling all that comfortable with each other yet and the first time is always awkward anyway, right? Everyone has been in these situations. Your partner is doing something you wish they weren't and you don't want to tell them. There are many reasons for this reluctance to communicate. The primary motivation behind this silence is fear of hurting the other persons feelings. Women can sometimes be prone to over reacting emotionally to such comments. "You don't really love me!" "You don't find me sexually attractive!" These phrases have certainly been known to be uttered in bedrooms wherein a man has expressed displeasure to his partner. On the other hand, men can be just as emotionally vulnerable, although they often say less about it. No man wants to feel that he is not satisfying his partner. A man's sexual ego is an important part of what makes him who he is, and depending on his confidence level can be easily shattered. In addition to this, it is embarrassing for many people to talk to their partner about what may or may not tickle their fancy. This seems to particularly apply to women. Over past generations, women have been socially conditioned to think that sex is somehow rude or that it is unladylike to enjoy. As a result, this repression causes women to be more reluctant to speak up in varying degrees. The fact that men were also historically in charge of what went on in the marriage bed contributed to this unhealthy tradition of silence. Men, on the other hand, can sometimes be very reluctant to inform the woman in their life of certain sexual dissatisfactions as they may not want to offend their partner, lest she think that he is not being respectful or worse, is perverted. Well, men and women, it's about time to speak up! Whether your relationship is new found lust or a joyful, lasting marriage, you are not doing yourself or your partner any favors by remaining silent. Your partner probably gets frustrated when they are trying to arouse you and it doesn't seem to be working. By simply communicating, your partner would get the reaction from you they were trying to achieve, and you would find fulfillment in the actions they are taking. With a new partner, it is important to establish protocol. If right from the beginning you tell each other your likes and dislikes, you can build a relationship that is satisfying and comfortable to you both. Also, remember likes and dislikes are variables as opposed to constants. One day something may please you and the next day it may not. With a long term partner your sex lives may go through phases or periods where an action may be pleasing for a while and then becomes tiresome. Through communicating with each other, you will both understand what most pleases the other and will be able to more fully satisfy your respective needs.  |
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