Common Male Fantasies
Another general area of male fantasy, while lacking in significant
imagination to warrant being given much attention, can be summarized
and possibly dealt with summarily under the heading of 'Parts'.
While women understandably resent the way men routinely separate
them into breasts, thighs, legs etc., like so many chickens, never
the less, this constitutes for many men enough of a hook on which
to hang a teensy fantasy. So, for instance, a man whose partner
has small breasts may fantasize about women with big breasts. Not
all men, but some. And a man whose partner has short legs may fantasize
about women with long legs. Men who have brunette partners may fantasize
about redheads, and so on and so on. Enough said.
Often, men's sexual fantasies are the result of very early sexual
awakenings experienced during childhood. As such, these are often
quite unique and very specific, but may be difficult for a partner
to understand, indeed are sometimes difficult for the men themselves
to understand in that they are born of a child's perspective, and
are often formed in advance of a working understanding of sex. A
prepubescent sexual reaction to a teacher for example, a not uncommonly
reported event in many men's lives, can resurface later in our adult
lives as a fantasy involving an authority figure, a boss, or a police
officer for instance.
A relatively common fantasy among men, which we will refer to as
'school girl' fantasy, which simply involves wanting to see the
object of his desire dressed in a plaid skirt, white blouse, and
knee socks, often gives women a bad feeling and makes them question
whether their lover is a pedophile. In fact, this fantasy is much
more common among men than is pedophilia, and may simply hearken
back to an early, non-specific sexual feeling we had about a classmate
in grade school- That funny feeling we got between our legs when
being teased by Jenny Kerplotnik.
While pedophilia is a deviant behavior, and one that, like rape,
is dangerous and more about power and victimization than sexuality,
it would be counterproductive to let our repugnance of this type
of behavior prevent us from exploring the wealth of healthy sexual
fantasy that can be derived from the earliest awareness of our sexuality.
Fantasy is an important and valid component of healthy sexual expression.
Sex, like art, is an individual human expression, and as such is
not something that neatly falls into categories of right and wrong.
Just as the Mona Lisa would have less appeal if Leonardo had done
the same painting 320 times, it is normal for people to seek variation
in sexual expression as well. Fantasy helps us achieve that variety.
Any fantasy which preoccupies one's attention, or which a person
feels compelled to act upon can be referred to as compulsion, and
may be cause for concern. Compulsive behaviors can become problematic
and may require the person suffering from the compulsive behavior
to enlist the help of a professional counselor. This is however
another subject and warrants a more complete discussion on its own.
For an article discussing the nature and treatment of sexual compulsions,
please click here.