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[1, 2]
Keeping the Relationship Alive After Your Baby Arrives
Chapter 2
Instinct will carry the ball a lot of the time. You will find yourself
'knowing' things intuitively sometimes, in a way that will surprise,
and probably delight you. Sometimes instinct will fumble the ball
in the end zone though. Like when daddy's instinct, the same one
that brought you to this place, doesn't jive with mom's instinct,
to say, cuddle baby instead. Men frequently report feeling rejected
by their mates after the birth of a baby. This is partially understandable,
but nature has a purpose in establishing a closer bond between the
baby and the mother in order to facilitate breastfeeding. Even if
you bottle-feed your baby, the instinct is still there. And guys,
while you may sit staring nostalgically at the breasts you once
had privileged access to before baby arrived, remember that breastfeeding
can be painful for some women. Patience.
This is where thoughtfulness comes in. Women have the toughest
job in this reproductive game. They don't call it hard labour for
nothing you know. Can you say 'episiotomy'? Give women a break guys.
First they have to carry the little thing around for 9 months and
give up sovereignty over their own bodies to do it. The hormonal
changes a woman's body is subjected to from the moment of conception,
through pregnancy, delivery and beyond, can be overwhelming. Once
a coffee lover of epic proportions, my partner awoke pregnant one
morning to discover that the smell of coffee made her vomit.
Women understandably may not be very interested in sex immediately
following delivery, and it can take quite a while to get back to
feeling your normal levels of desire. But moms, you need to remember
too that dads don't necessarily have different hormones running
through their bodies now. They have the same ones as before. Oral
sex may be preferable to vaginal intercourse for some time following
childbirth, though many women experience changes to taste and smell
brought on by hormonal changes associated with pregnancy and breastfeeding.
This can result in suddenly finding the taste of your partner's
semen unpalatable. You may find that suggesting he eat more fruit,
and refrain from strong tasting foods like garlic which may help
improve the taste. If you still cannot tolerate the taste, just
tell your partner not to ejaculate in your mouth for now. Remember
that your drives and tastes usually reset to normal soon after childbirth.
Remind him of this to avoid him panicking. If you you find you cannot
tolerate oral sex just now, perhaps try offering to masturbate him
till you're feeling more energetic. A good water based lubricant
can make this much more pleasurable. It's a good idea to always
have some on hand.
With a little bit of patience, some understanding and creativity,
you can keep your sex life, and your relationship going, and come
through this with an even stronger, more fulfilling love for each
other.
Treat your partner, and yourself very gently for a little while.
You're both going to be tired, and parenting is demanding of all
your resources. Just try to share the ups and downs together. Always
remember to keep your sense of humour, and bring flowers, chocolates
and other little indulgences for each other now and again. The good
news is, this doesn't last forever…only about 20 years or so…probably
less than your mortgage.
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