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Keeping the Relationship Alive After Your Baby Arrives

Many couples experience difficulties finding a new balance in their life after the arrival of baby. And why not? Up until now it's just been the two of you, unless you already have other children. Either way, now there's another little person in your life, and this is not just your average person. For starters, this is the cutest, most precious little person you've ever encountered in your life and ironically, also the most demanding, self centred, politically astute, manipulator of feelings you ever will meet. This is your baby.

You doubt it? Just watch any of your friends with their new baby and you'll see for yourself. If you can actually get them to come out of the nest for a visit, you'll observe something fantastic. That baby, without even the benefit of language to communicate, has already taken over the entire show. One squawk from it will send both of them into panic. "I think he's hungry," suggests one, jumping up to launch the formula-warming sequence. "Maybe he needs changing" occurs to the other, thrusting a finger deep inside a diaper to check for god knows what, without apparent concern for the potentially gory consequences.

There are ways of keeping your relationship going after childbirth, but it won't be easy. You'll have to be brave. You'll be pushed to the limits of human endurance. You'll be subjected to sleep deprivation, food deprivation, sex deprivation…actually; pretty much total deprivation. But recent advances have rendered parenthood, virtually survivable. In fact, today, many parents go on to live normal, productive lives!

If you're worried about life after the arrival of your new baby, that's okay; if you're not a bit worried - you're probably not paying attention.

Most of the day to day business of surviving reproduction is actually just common sense, combined with a little bit of instinct, and blended with some good old fashioned thoughtfulness. However, you may find some of these in rather short supply just now. Common sense should actually be renamed 'uncommon sense.' Instinct you already know something about or you wouldn't be in this spot in the first place. And maybe we can just brush up a bit on thoughtfulness. Common sense will tell you that this miracle, like all the other miracles, cannot be planned entirely in advance, and will unfold, day by day, week by week, month by…well you get it, right?

The single most important thing to do is to keep doing things together. Being involved in the parenting process together helps maintain the bond that brought you to this point, and will get you both through it better than anything else. In all likelihood, your sleep patterns will be disrupted for some time after bringing home your baby. Its possible that both of you will find it hard to make time for each other. The little things you do for each other now can become very important. Running your partner a nice warm bath after a hard day might be the sexiest thing you could do for them. And it could be the sexiest thing they can cope with too.

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