Deciding that you no longer want to be dating or married to someone
is a rather dicey thing in the first place. The longer that you
have been in the relationship, the harder it becomes, and more is
at stake. If you are married, have investments and children together,
you want to make absolutely certain that there is no other choice
left to you. In this day and age, we all seem to think that anything
(and anyone) is replaceable. We are a rather fickle lot. It is very
worthwhile mentioning at this point that most things can be worked
out if both partners whole-heartedly put in their best efforts towards
saving the relationship. If your decision to break up will affect
or potentially hurt other people, you should only consider ending
it as very last resort.
The first important choice to be made is deciding whether you really
have no alternate solution and that you absolutely, positively can
not look at your partners face for the rest of your life. Make sure
that you're not simply ticked-off with the other person over some
trivial incident. It's hard, but try and keep issues in perspective.
During a fit of rage, you generally are not thinking rationally
and should not tell your partner that it is over (although in reality,
it seems that most people have done this at least once!). If you
do this, the consequences are usually quite bad. These are the two
1-You will have to eat your words after you make-up, or
2- Your partner will actually leave you when that isn't really what
you had intended.
Once you are sure that splitting up is definitely what you want,
there are many different ways to go about doing it. If your spouse
has done something extreme, for example telling you that they robbed
a bank or killed someone, then it is quite simple. Tell them to
get out and that you never want to see them again. No discussion
is required - but you might want to call the police. This fortunately
doesn't happen very often and so it's almost never that cut and
There are some basic guidelines to follow when you want to break
up with someone. The first is, don't beat around the bush! Just
say it. At this point you will get one of four reactions:
1- absolute silence (sometimes followed by your new ex walking out
2-a fit of sadness and tears,
3- a fit of rage (this one can be dangerous!), or
4-a calm, level headed "why".
It is a good idea to have an idea beforehand about which response
that you're going to get in order to plan the rest of the event.