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[1, 2, 3]
Informing Your Partner You Have Contracted an STD
Chapter 2
A third, and obviously difficult scenario would be one in which
you have been in a long term relationship and contracted an STD.
This usually means that one of the partners involved are guilty
of infidelity. Were you cheating on your partner, or were they cheating
on you? Let's say for argument's sake that you were the one that
cheated. You are in a situation where you now not only have to inform
your partner that you were unfaithful, but also that you have contracted
an STD and that they are potentially at risk. It can be a very difficult
and messy thing to have to go through, but you must. If you
don't, chances are that your spouse will either be called by the
health department, or will start to notice some strange symptoms
on their own. It is always better that they hear it directly from
you. In circumstances such as these, some couples are able to work
things through, while others are not able to. It seems a high price
to pay for a brief sexual encounter.
On the other hand, it may be the case that you know that you
didn't have a fling. Your heart sinks. You have come to the realization
that the person you love dearly, wasn't holding your best interests
at heart. Any vows or promises made were broken, and you start to
wonder about the things that you don't know about yet. You are angry
and hurt, go home and have a confrontation to find out what happened.
Maybe you will eventually be able to find forgiveness in your heart,
but in the mean time, make sure that your partner also goes for
treatment, and stop any sexual relations until things have cleared
up both emotionally and physically if possible.
There is also the chance that neither of you were actually cheating
on each other. Some STD's can exist in a state of dormancy within
your body for months, or even years before the symptoms ever show
up. So, if you know you didn't cheat, and your partner insists that
they didn't either, then it may be possible that you are both telling
the truth. In this situation, it is difficult to figure out who
the STD was transmitted from and when, but it is still important
for both parties to seek treatment.
Ok, so you know that you have to tell someone that you have an
STD. This is obviously significantly easier said than done. The
following are some effective communication strategies that you may
employ to this end:
1. Set the correct mood. Don't think that you are going to gloss
over this one. If you believe that you can make a nice dinner and
tell your partner that you've contracted an STD while giving them
a backrub and have them respond favorably, you are dead wrong. This
is a serious matter - treat it as such. Sit your partner down and
explain to them that you have something important to discuss with
them that potentially concerns their health and take it from there.
2. Be honest but keep the conversation on-topic. If you cheated,
admit it but return to the primary issue of the STD and ensure your
partner knows the risks to them and the necessary steps they must
take in light of the situation. The facts, when presented correctly
may serve to partially diffuse the situation as you give them in
a calm manner. You will definitely have to deal with the fidelity
issue, however, it is more important that your partner's health
is not further put at risk due to your dalliance. If it was not
you that was unfaithful, while it may be difficult, try to keep
calm and deal with the relationship issues after health matters
have been addressed.
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