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Sex, Lies and videotapes - Is Honesty Always best?

When it comes to dating, is honesty the best policy? Well that depends. In general, I go on the assumption that honesty, like all good things, has a time and a place and should be practiced with moderation. Yet, let me hasten to say that I believe honesty is the best policy. It's just that no policy that I can think of can be adhered to unfailingly without unanticipated pitfalls.

Sex, at least sex between two (or more) people, is fundamentally a communication. We have sex to communicate love, or desire, or passion for a lover. A gentle caress can convey tenderness. Arguably, we can and do communicate a limitless array of overt and subtle messages to our partners about, our thoughts, our feelings and ourselves when making love. We are always essentially communicating.

So is honesty always the best policy? To the extent that we value communication, and you can have both verbal and sexual intercourse, yes, I think so. But, as I have said already I believe in moderation in most things. So while there is a time and a place for communication, we should try and remember that there is also a time and a place to keep our mouth shut!

So for example...should you tell your partner that you don't like that thing they keep doing with their teeth just when you are climaxing? Yeah! Sure. Just remember that this is a person, and people have feelings. So should you also mention that it reminds you of an old lover that dumped you you're still not over yet, just because it may be true? Probably not, if you want to continue having the opportunity to communicate sexually with this person.

Here's something else to consider. Most people are actually a bit dishonest about honesty. By that I mean, most people will tell you they want to be told the truth, but stop and think about it for a second and you'll reason for yourself that it just isn't so. When a woman says, "Do you think this dress makes me look fat", do you really think she wants to hear the truth? She's standing there in front of a mirror while she's asking you. You can bet if she thought it made her look fat, you'd never get asked for your opinion. If you can't figure out that she wants to hear the words "Don't be ridiculous, you look gorgeous", then your communication system isn't working. You're not receiving the real message, which may be simply "I'm feeling a bit vulnerable, tell me I'm still attractive." If your not feeling attracted to her anymore, consider postponing your honesty till she's feeling a bit better about herself.

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